So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
