Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
