i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
