Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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