There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
