My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
