Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
