It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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