FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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