You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
