I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You ruined the universe
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
