So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
