he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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