just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
