Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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