Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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