The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
