I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
