I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
