so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
