YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
