look no pants
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
