She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
