he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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