# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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