i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
