It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
