I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
