When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
