My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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