Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
