i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
