haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
