there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
