6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My cat gives me a boner
i wish my penis had a tongue
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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