who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
