Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
