I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
