we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
