I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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