He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
