I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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