do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
