For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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