i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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