I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
