a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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