At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
