Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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