It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
