I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
