If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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