i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
birth control should be required to get into college
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize