Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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