I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
