My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
