i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
