Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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