Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
