I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
