dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
