DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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