is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
