Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
