So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
