I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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