So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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