I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
