is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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