I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize