the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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