My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
