Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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