she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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