So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
